To me, to my chapter 20!

  Dear AIRA,

I don't even know where or how to start, but perhaps wishing you a happy birthday is the most ideal, so happy birthday baby.

I keep thinking back to how much you had planned, to how much should have happened by now. I keep thinking about the goals you had for turning 20 and a part of me feels defeated, a part of me feels like I failed, and that's the part of me that sunk into birthday anxiety two days ago.

That's the part of me that wanted to go to bed on October 31st but wake up on November 2nd, because what's there to celebrate?

But there's another part of me. 

A part of me that's so incredibly proud of you. 

A part of me that wants to give you the longest hug ever, and surround your room with flowers and balloons because I know you love it. 

The part of me that wants to remind you of how much you've done even if you think it's nothing.

So let's take the last few months into consideration;

You started your book, you started a book club, and you started your blog -although no one reads it yet. But baby, these are things you've put on hold for years, almost four years now, yet you summoned courage to do all these in months. So baby, you have EVERY reason to celebrate. 

You have every reason to look beyond 20 with excitement and anticipation.

Because you are surrounded by so many beautiful people, by love, by kindness and most especially by God.

I want to go on and tell you, all your dreams will come true and I want to remind you of how strong you've been year after year, birthday anxiety after anxiety.

This year is the calmest I've ever seen you be and I am so proud of that.

Looking back at 16 all the way to 19 and I'm so impressed.

God I remember 18, I remember how bad the anxiety got. I remember everything and I wish you'd remember you've come so far. 

Like baby, you've come so far. 

And I can't promise you that by 21 all your dreams will be realized but I know it only gets better, so at least throw a party. 

Please throw a party!

You deserve it.

And yes, buy that puppy you've always wanted, don't forget the flowers and balloons as well. 

So as you start a new decade, I  wish you peace, love and plenty of happiness. 

I hope you keep the noise out of your head. 

I hope that you never forget to pray, even when things go perfectly.

But above all,

I hope that you forgive me for taking this long, for taking this long to take the weight off your shoulders. I hope that you give yourself due credit for the work that you've been doing.

And I hope that when your dreams finally come through, you never forget who you are.

So once again,

Happy birthday AIRA.

Have a blast. 

I love you!💖💖